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Hey, You. You Keep Me Hangin’ On

May 11, 2018

“Ok, look. Maybe my first instinct was right. Maybe there wasn’t just one of you. Maybe there were two, three or even four. Maybe that’s the big joke on me.

“Stealing my garbage. You think I’m obsessed? How is that not stalking? Because someone paid you to do it?

“Next was the PSYOP to end all PSYOPs. Buying kitty litter. What was the point of that? If anything, it stuck out because it was so not-damaging. I mean, that was your brilliant ‘plan’? To scare me into submission by buying something for a cat? Makes no sense. At all!

“Then of course…I’m sorry, I’m sure your coworkers make fun of you…but about the only person worse at hiding in the dark than you must be me.

“And walking a dog. Ohhhhh…you’re so diabolical. Wizard of Oz reference? Walking with Dorothy, whoever she was. What was I supposed to infer from that? And what was with, don’t remember, wasn’t counting, the sudden burst of similarly-clad joggers? You’re sooooo scary.

“Now. Knowing what we know…and you’re about as much God as I or Mitch McConnell are, which is to say not at all…what were you thinking? Were you thinking? What were you trying to accomplish?

“Because knowing what we know about consciousness and unconsciousness, the latter being the boss, the former being the underling who has to guess why we do what we do and very, very often gets it wrong, I can’t help thinking that you don’t really grep the meaning of, ‘I meant to do that.’

“Were you watching when I fell down, slipped on the ice, jogging, and did that very thing? Pretended I meant to do it. And yet was a lot more careful after that. Maybe I did do it ‘on purpose’ because I needed to humble myself before I could see things clearly.

“Were you watching when I ‘started that drive alone’? Were you? Because when it comes to a giant neon sign, I can’t figure that you consciously knew what you were doing. But maybe unconsciously you did.

“Doesn’t make any sense otherwise. You did it on purpose. This is the result. Make your bed, lie in it. Or come unmake the bed. I kinda don’t care. I will survive.

“But do the right thing. Abiding by the nondisclosure agreement is not the right thing. Anyone with any sense of what’s going on knows that is true. Barry Eisler knows that that’s all it is: A promise made without knowing what it was you promised in the first place. Now you know. They’re the ones who broke faith when they lied to you.

“So have some faith and do the right thing. Whatever that is. Whatever that means to you. Not them. You.

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