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Bizarro Trump

August 8, 2015

“Look, you wanna end terrorism…I’ll tell you how. It’s simple. You lock up these bankers who were funding it. Cut off the money, there is no terrorism.

“So what if some people want to beat each other up with sticks some place? We won’t hear from them again.

“Look, if I wanna buy a building, do I set up a meeting with the janitors who work in that building? The head of human resources? No. I go to the head…the owners…the money.

“Our government is so stupid. And it’s run by really stupid people. We should all be terrified at just how bleeping dumb the people are who make these decisions.

“Of course, they won’t do it. Bush? Obama? They’re such pussy losers.

“And the Joint Chiefs? This country hasn’t won a war in six decades. With the most expensive military in the world. And not one of these bozos has been fired?

“And I’m not counting Grenada. You kidding me? I could buy Grenada with chump change. In fact, I did. Then I sold it to a guy in Hong Kong when I saw what a crappy little island it was.

“‘Frankfurt-Am-Main.’ What kind of sissy name is that for a city? That’s where Deutsche Bank–who not only funded terror but also laundered drug money and had some of those lousy loans…you know the ones–that’s where their HQ is.

“You drag the CEO, the CFO…nah, just the CEO…and his legal counsel. You drag ’em out. Publicly. FBI. Green Berets. Seals. The whole shebang. Major news watching. Cameras rolling. You drag ’em out and fly ’em to Guantanamo Bay.

“Then. You install cameras in their cells. And you make a cable channel that just shows them in their cells. Twenty-four-seven. You don’t hide what you’re doing. You want all the world to see. You want ’em to know.

“You do that with all those terror funding banks. In Germany, France, all those gay countries they’re hiding in.

“And the House of Saud. Don’t these Presidents ever get tired of kissing the asses of old, rich puckered-butt Saudis wearing dresses? Grow a pair! Freeze their assets. Take their money. Put one guy in there you know won’t slip terrorists some money. Be done with it! Win a war for once, you losers.

“Then. When you’re negotiating trade deals or whatever and the other guy is being tough…you flip on the channel. You show him what’s waiting if he doesn’t come around and see things your way.

“That’s how you negotiate.

“Also, the channel is free. Everywhere. Worldwide. You show ’em what happens. Then it’ll stop.

“That’s what I’d do as President. And if these Euro bankers don’t like it. If that Whateverhisname Rothschild dude starts anything, well that’s what bunkerbusters are for. Or if his faggy Euro castle walls are too thick, then a tactical nuke. That’ll shut ’em up.

“Make America Great. Again.”

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From → Gonzo, Short Story

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